Dear Johnny, I have written a million times about you and I will write one more time now because while it makes no difference to you, I really need to do this to feel myself again.
I guess that’s the biggest difference between the 22-year-old me and any previous version of me: I’ve learned to let go of people who don’t choose me. I’ve found the strength to move on regardless of the circumstances.
You won’t have to freeze time as they kiss you goodbye at the train station before work as it might be the very last kiss ever had between you two. You won’t have to watch them till they disappear (back) into the sea of strangers as it might be the very last sight of them in this short life you will never fully figure out.
That ordinary life has already been ruined for me every time I experienced the magic of being with the right people and being the best me. I’m young and restless. I’m not yet ready for ordinary. I’m built for magic and the extraordinary. I’m addicted to the high life, going wild with the people who appreciate my wildness. For that, I need my enabler. I need constant stimulation. I need to be the best me again.
You will be completely honest with yourself and find a way of life that will allow that honesty to breathe and thrive. You will go for the good options instead of the easy ones.
We all have problems. However, many of those problems are actually caused by our own mind instead of what’s going on in reality.
He lived in the part of the city that was nice and central enough to make going home with a stranger not so scary. Maybe it should’ve been scary regardless but we never assumed the worst in this kind of situation, especially when we were expecting to have the best night of our lives.
At that stage of life, the timing was just not right for us. We both didn’t know what we wanted in life. We were so young, so unsettled, so different. I was at the start of the adulthood race with endless possibilities ahead while he was dealing with the ghosts of the path he had already walked through.
I know myself now. Whatever you think or say about me, or do to me, doesn’t change my value, doesn’t change the fact that there are many, many people out there who love me and think the world of me.