It’s terrifying to have to make all the important decisions not knowing if they are the right ones. But it’s also liberating and wonderfully exciting because I get to make all the important decisions. I get to live my life the way I think is best for me and this is all what matters.
I don’t see relationships as an end-goal or a measure of my self-worth. Speaking of which, I don’t bring my self-worth into the mix when a relationship succeeds or fails. I know the outcome of a relationship is down to our compatibility, not worthiness — worthiness is irrelevant.
I would do anything for money. Well, I would do most things for a good amount of money. My rules are simple. I don’t mind danger, don’t mind dirt, don’t mind humiliation, don’t mind pain. The only things I strictly don’t do are prostitution, killing and love. As for the rest, it’s always a matter of assessing the pros and cons, a question of whether the money is handsome enough for the risk to be worth it, and a problem of me making decisions based on my mood.
I’ve been questioning myself lately what is a good life for a 22 year old and I’ve come to a conclusion that a good life should include having as much great sex as possible. Not just good, but great, healthy sex. The sex that satisfies you, empowers you, makes you glow like a fucking walking LED and doesn’t leave you feeling dirty and shameful.
Dear Johnny, I have written a million times about you and I will write one more time now because while it makes no difference to you, I really need to do this to feel myself again.
I guess that’s the biggest difference between the 22-year-old me and any previous version of me: I’ve learned to let go of people who don’t choose me. I’ve found the strength to move on regardless of the circumstances.
You won’t have to freeze time as they kiss you goodbye at the train station before work as it might be the very last kiss ever had between you two. You won’t have to watch them till they disappear (back) into the sea of strangers as it might be the very last sight of them in this short life you will never fully figure out.
That ordinary life has already been ruined for me every time I experienced the magic of being with the right people and being the best me. I’m young and restless. I’m not yet ready for ordinary. I’m built for magic and the extraordinary. I’m addicted to the high life, going wild with the people who appreciate my wildness. For that, I need my enabler. I need constant stimulation. I need to be the best me again.
You will be completely honest with yourself and find a way of life that will allow that honesty to breathe and thrive. You will go for the good options instead of the easy ones.